Notes from Sunday

Luke and I spent the weekend just gone at my Dad's flat as 'rest days' because we were both exhausted, and I was mentally a little fragile after a testing few weeks. Our plans didn't expand further than 'go for a walk', 'watch the rugby' and 'go to Aldi' but somehow on Sunday morning we ended up aboard the ss Great Britain.

Life Lately

Life lately has been...

The inky silkiness of Luna's fur beneath my fingertips and the black-in-some-lights-brown-in-others cloud of Tilly's. | Luna's quiet, rhythmic, reassuring purr and Tilly's loud, erratic, warm rattle. | All of the beige, bland food. Side effects suck. | Slices of light slipping through my new blinds. | Reading The Goblet of Fire aloud to anyone that will listen. (It helps with my concentration which has been iffy for the past... six months.) | Taking polaroids of my babies, sleeping on the bed together for the first time, and popping the discoloured shots into a photo frame. | New glasses and a new haircut.

Lorde's Melodrama on repeat. | Nails painted with Barry M's Mustard nail varnish. | The sharp, irritating pain of a kitten climbing your leg, seeking attention, whilst you're trying to make a birthday cake. | Pink roses and fressias in the living room because Mum and I know how to treat ourselves. | New names and nicknames for Tilly every day. So far we have Tiny Baby, Tallulah, Tilly Rowena and the ever-endearing 'silly cow' when she falls off of another piece of furniture. (She's completely safe, just clumsy AF.)

Feeling the sun's rays on my face for the first time in a week whilst sat on a park bench with my love. | Crystals cleansed in tiny waterfalls and charged under the full moon. | Giving less of a fuck about making my Instagram look perfect. | Attempting to brush up on my aromatherapy knowledge and diffusing oils with water in an oil burner. | Early morning cuddles in bed with a purring baby whilst reading my Mystic Mondays tarot card of the day. | 2 for 99p book deals.

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Goodbye September



Well. September was a bit of a whirlwind, wasn't it? I've been so incredibly busy (and exhausted) that, despite my best intentions, I only managed four blog posts this month, including this one. Ah well. There's always next month.

The Crystals That Called To Me

I firmly stand by the belief that you should choose and purchase crystals in person - it's a much more personable and inspiring experience, especially when the sales assistant is so calming and knowledgeable. Mum and I headed into town last Friday morning and on the way back to the car we stopped in my favourite crystal store to buy crystals as a gift for Mum's god mother. I didn't intend on buying anything, but a few things screamed at me so I picked them up - I never ignore the internal pull towards a certain crystal, and it's always funny to read up on them later to discover they're exactly what I've been needing. On this occasion I purchased a single crystal and a necklace, and my mum treated me to a polished piece too.

June.

June was a busy ol' month for me, and I feel like I achieved a lot of things despite not setting any goals. I want to get back to creating goals and lists and generally keeping track of my life a little better so, along with another attempt at journaling, I've decided to talk a little on the blog about what I got up to this month.

15 Little Happy Things

Fifteen little happy things...

one | Jane the Virgin.
two | Cities: Skylines for the Xbox One.
three | 9pm walks along the harbourside.
four | £1 bunches of white roses & peonies.
five | Feeling inspired.
six | Leaving the house without my safety items and not panicking.
seven | Cooking for Luke.
eight | My Topshop midi dress (bought via a charity shop, hollaaaaa)
nine | Wearing liquid eyeliner.
ten | Blush pink everything.
eleven | Watching hot air balloons fly overhead.
twelve | A cold breeze on a hot Saturday.
thirteen | My new blog layout.
fourteen | Grace's blog, Almost Amazing Grace.
fifteen | Teeny tiny Party Rings.

What tiny things have made you happy recently?

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What I Got For Christmas 2016

It's that time again!

This Moment

In this moment I am sat on my sofa, wrapped in a blanket and wearing the snuggliest turtleneck jumper. I'm surrounded by animals : Bailey, Luna, Mickey and Thor are all in the living room with me. They're all sleeping, separately - Mickey in her bed, Thor on the sofa, Bailey on the pouffe and Luna on the Virgin Media box. My stomach hurts, a result of my indulgent eating yesterday, but it's not a pressing pain. It's there, hovering, but it's alright. I can hear the tumble-dryer, full of clothes and bedding, working away in the kitchen. There's a vegan banana loaf baking in the oven, but I'm not sure how it's going to turn out because I forgot to grease the tin. There's a timer on my phone ticking down until I'm supposed to check on it.

On Self-Love and My New House Colours



Something I feel at least 90% of my generation has in common is Harry Potter. We grew up with the books and the films, and experienced Hogwarts as Harry himself was experiencing it. The youngest among us had a chapter read to us at bedtime by our parents, whilst the oldest devoured each book as they came alone. There's something so innocently magical about Harry Potter and the way wizarding life wove its way into our mundane. I especially take it more seriously than I arguably should, but I'm not embarrassed or ashamed by it.

I was intending for this post to be quite light-hearted but as I reached the final paragraph I felt a surge of sadness, relief and liberation. I'd thought my journey of self-love and self-exploration was going quite well, on the surface at least. I indulge in self-care often and tend to my anxiety every day. But I think that mental health aside I have a long way to go in terms of truly loving who I am and honestly wanting the best for myself, and bizarrely enough something as little (although big to me) as changing Hogwarts Houses has sparked something that I've been in need of for a long time.  

Happy Harry-ween!



Just a quick little impromptu post to share with you my attempt at carving a pumpkin this year. It didn't really go exactly to plan, and neither did any of my family's, but if you don't fxck up your pumpkin carving is it even Halloween?

25 More Things About Me

Hello new readers & old! It's been a pretty little while since I penned an 'about me' post so today I thought I'd hit ya with a big ol' dose of facts to help you get to know me better. It's funny because my last one was back in 2014 and most of the facts don't apply to me anymore. Isn't it interesting how we change over time? ~

Life Lately



{ Luke took me on a bike ride along the river. You can see just how short my hair is now, especially in comparison to this photo! }

 

Life lately has been anxious, tiring and overwhelming but it's also been pretty wonderful, too. I don't feel up to explaining things using words so instead here's a bunch of photos which show a few nice things I've gotten up to recently. They're all unedited and were taken on my iPhone so I'm sorry if the quality is a bit pants.

Let's Talk About Nephrotic Syndrome



I like to use my own life experiences to help others. I'm constantly nattering on about my anxiety and depression, both to help myself and to raise awareness and reduce stigma, plus I opened up a little while ago about my dad's cancer story. I find that sharing experiences not only helps me to endure them - I almost use it like a sword and shield - but I like to think that it helps others too, even if it is only in a very small way. Today I'm going to talk to you about another health issue, one that plagues my favourite little human in the entire world - my little sister, Leigh. She is eight years old - nine next week! - and she has Nephrotic Syndrome.

 

Nephrotic Syndrome ; noun.

A kidney disease, characterized by oedema and the loss of protein from the plasma into the urine due to increased glomerular permeability.

La Luna



It's been a while since I dedicated an entire blog post to my little sidekick but I recently stumbled across a bunch of photos of her as a kitten and I was suddenly struck by how tiny she used to be and how giant she has become. She's now two years old and is definitely in her rebellious teenage phase. I thought that she was mischievous as a kitten, but gawd does she drive me insane now.

A Reminder

I am depressed. I am anxious. I am suicidal.

But.

I am also my favourite gemstone. I am the corners of book pages that I fold down to mark my place. I am an Eeveelution trainer, a Slytherin, the Mayor of Hogwarts. I am my favourite Lush bath bomb. I am the chipped nail polish on my fingernails that I can never be bothered to remove. I am a sister, a daughter, a girlfriend. A cat mother. A cat lover. I am the Pokemon cards organised by type and level of cuteness in my ring binder. I am the gluten-free vanilla cookies that I’ve grown obsessed with. I am a lover of vlogs, blogs and Pinterest. I am my favourite episode of Sherlock, my favourite region in Pokemon. I am the sea shell wind-chime that hangs above my bed. I am each of the teddies that Luke has won me from claw machines across the years. I am the bicycle rides that fill me with undiluted happiness. I am the Costa smoothie that’s been on my to-try list forever. I am my favourite of the two H&M stores in town. I am the characters chattering in my head that I owe a story of their own.

 I am blindly holding on to life when I feel like it’s trying it’s best to let me go.

I am depressed. I am anxious. I am suicidal.

But I’m also so much more.

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Little Comforts

Little things that comfort me when I'm feeling sad, tired and anxious.

Holding Luke's hand. Lying on my side in bed with Luna curled up RIGHT next to me. My little sister bringing me a glass of just-the-right-temperature water. Watching Sky Sports News with my dad. Wearing my onesie with the hood up, bear ears and all. Sitting with Luke on our bench in the woods. The sound of my cat Bailey meowing. Warm toast slathered in vegan butter and strawberry jam. Watching Luna play in the garden from my bedroom window. The sound of Luna purring. Reading my favourite blog, Daisybutter. Cosy yet vaguely stylish clothes that blanket me and protect me from the world. Lazy evenings on Animal Crossing: New Leaf. Quorn chicken nuggets and ketchup. The sound of my sister laughing. Surreal pink sunsets. Watching endless episodes of Hawaii Five 0 with my mum. Lush The Comforter bubble baths. Sitting RIGHT next to Luke on the sofa. My sister brushing my hair. Rereading an old favourite.

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So, I Got A Fringe

{ Channelling that PLL-season-six-part-two Spencer Hastings vibe. }

 

I got my hair cut! Finally. I'd been meaning to get it done a little while ago (try six months) but I wasn't quite sure what I wanted done and with my mental health blip, my hair was the last thing on my mind. My side fringe had grown out and the length was getting a little too much for me to handle (I managed to get ketchup in it at Ikea the other day because I couldn't keep control of it) so last week, after scrolling Pinterest for hours and debating with my friend on Facebook messenger, I finally plucked up the courage to book an appointment with a local mobile hairdresser.

{ T H E C U T & C O L O U R }

I didn't get much cut off the length, just a little trim to keep it healthy, but I did get a fringe cut in! I was really specific about the kind of fringe I wanted because I didn't want to flashback to when I was little and rocked a full-on, heavy block fringe for about five years. I went for a thin-ish, 'casual', messy fringe that falls just to my eyebrow and I love it! I'm still messing about with my parting and the amount of volume I can infuse into the rest of my hair before I look like Russell Brand but I'm feeling super swish and refreshed. I dyed it a few shades darker to match my roots and then the hairdresser attempted to add some lighter tones to my hair (hence why I was in foils on Snapchat) but they didn't take as well as we'd have liked, so she's coming back next week to try again!

 

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Life Lately Through My iPhone

 

I've taken a lot of photos on my phone recently whenever I've been out (which I've been doing a lot recently, YAY) but I don't have enough photos from each trip to warrant a photo diary. So purely for my own future benefit, I thought I'd throw them all together into post with no real rhyme or reason. Most of them are from the trip I took to Portishead with my mum, Luke, Leigh and Luke's brother Josh but there's also one or two from when I went to town with my dad recently.

Hello March



Hello March! Thank Gawd you're here. I would ask if we could pretend January and February didn't exist but I feel like I need to remember how rubbish they were in order to enjoy March a little more thoroughly. I'm hoping that the beginning of this new month (and the promise of Spring looming on the horizon) means that I'll finally be able to start fresh and begin to rebuild my life. My mental health stance is still shaky but I'm getting there - something that, one month ago, I truly believed was impossible. I think the return of the sunshine has a lot to do with it. I no longer feel like my days end at 4pm and I don't feel as suffocated by the darkness outside. Spring is all about rebirth and fresh, beautiful things so I'm drawing inspiration from that and am going to make March amazing. I have a lot of exciting ideas for What Lauren Did Today, including brand new content and re-invigorating old features. I'm hoping I can regain my blogging mojo and manage to post according to my old schedule again!

I hope that March is fabulous for you!

 

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Recently...

SO. I'm typing this post up on my new iPad, which incidentally won't let me download Blogger as an app, meaning this could all be one grammatically disgusting and structurally unsound piece of text but hey. For some reason opening up my laptop to blog seems a bit daunting to me at the moment, I think maybe because of all that comes along with it - the photo editing, the researching, the tweet scheduling, the EFFORT. This seems infinitely more casual, especially because I'm going to be using an unedited photo that has 0 relevance to the post, which I just found in my iPhone photo library.